We’re unsure if we’ve spoken of Tango previously, but as time moves on, it seems we have no choice. Yesterday, he made a shock announcement:
Tango is running for Prime Minister of New Zealand.
With job suitability not being a requirement, and the understanding he’s free to say what he likes over the course of his campaign with zero expectation he’ll follow through, he feels confident his chances are as good as any.
The thing is (and this is where the family feels the stress) the opposition have really started digging. They uprooted a viral video that Jane, his human, posted on her Facebook business page a while back, eclipsing everything she’d ever shared. Over a short period, it ticked upward of a million views. It was only 15 seconds, but they were telling.
(What follows is adult content, and discretion is advised: Footage showed an irreverent, hairy horse bucking his small big bottom in her face. The fact that she found it funny was an inappropriate reaction to the stress).
Jane has also been heard on more than one occasion saying that her cause of death will most likely be Tango:
When approached with a feed bucket amongst other horses, he absolutely will not yield. Jane fears she will be sandwiched between him and a much larger horse, and that one day she will be found with them all intensely eating round her limp and lifeless body.
As you can imagine, people are talking.
That Tango is part of the Tiny Horse Mafia, going on secret missions at night.
That he is too Food Motivated for the role.
That he will let go of his morals if there’s dinner.
That he has “Small Horse Man Syndrome”.
That he is orange.
It’s a tricky, delicate time, and we ask for privacy while we garner our responses.
But in the meantime, we feel pressured to say:
1️⃣ Vote One Tango.
And if that turns out to be a bad idea, it will be too late anyway.
xx Jane
The other nasty rumour is that I make up ridiculous stories for my children in response to basic questions like, how are the horses?
This may or may not be a Small Happiness (for me, not for them. I think for them it’s suffering).
If (hypothetically speaking) it was a Happiness, it would be #17.